What happens to so many who start a diet with the best intentions, do well for one week or two, and then, something causes them to break their diet? They simply get discouraged and stop dieting completely. Was it simply a total lack of willpower or self-discipline – or just a lousy diet? The answer is NO. People are not inherently weak, lazy or immature.
If you prepare yourself before beginning your diet, you can overcome these “diet derailers” before or when they arise and not fall victim to their destructive influences:
1. Family Food-Enablers
Every participant in a 12-step program knows what an enabler is. The enabler is someone, usually a family member, who unwittingly contributes to the very problem they want to stop.
A Family Food-Enabler is someone close to you who wants you to lose weight. On the surface, they support you, but they seem to say and do the wrong things. Without realizing it, they encourage you to break your diet, with their behavior falling into one or more of these four categories:
Criticism – The family food enabler always has a negative comment about your weight, your clothing size and/or the amount of food you are eating. “I’m just trying to help!” is a common excuse that follows a critical and ultimately destructive remark. Sadly, these “loving” attacks actually activate your Inner Judge and cause you to eat more.
Out-of-control eating - Many family food enablers are actually out-of-control eaters themselves. As such, they model and encourage self-destructive eating habits such as filling the refrigerator with tempting foods and that they often eat them in front of you. You obviously don’t need “support” like this.
Diet denial - Some family food enablers act as if you are not on a diet, by denying its deny its existence. Instead they frequently offer you food to make you feel better. Often they do this under the guise of sympathy or love.
Weight attention - The family food enabler seems to ALWAYS notice your weight, whether it goes up or down. This hyper-awareness may be called support, though its end result is that it actually makes you more self-conscious.
How to deal with Family Food-Enablers
Though it may be a bit uncomfortable at first, the only way to deal with serious family food enablers is thought direct confrontation. You don’t have to yell for fight with them, but you do need to be firm and clear. If you can’t confront them yourself, try this. Make a copy of this information, underline the parts that refer to their attitudes and behaviors and give them a copy to read by themselves – they should get the point real quick.
Other things you can say to Family Food-Enablers
1. No more criticism about my weight, ever! It is my responsibility.
2. No more talk about my weight, ever! That is my responsibility.
3. If you really want to support me – please do the following:
a. Change your eating habits
b. Stop denying that I am on a diet
c. Get off my back
Self-criticism (Your Inner Judge) - An inner judge works like this - You begin your diet. All is well, then for no obvious reason, your “Inner Judge” begins its criticism, often starting with issues unrelated to your weight, such as “You are an inadequate mother. Your house is dirty. Why haven’t you been more successful?” If you allow this to persist, you eventually have a self-hate attack. Then, unable to cope with all of these painful judgments, you break your diet and eat to feel better.
The good news is you can learn to manage the voice of this destructive mental intruder. Try the following exercises:
First acknowledge its existence and then get to know it. What does it say? When does is it most likely to attack? Awareness is the key here, so be sure to pay close attention. Confront your inner critical judge. Recognize that it is not your friend, and it does not want to help you. Stand up to it. Tell it to shut up and go away. Confrontation works, even if you do it a little.
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